Spice Up Your Life! (If Our Boys Were Spice Girls)

So there’s been a lot of Spice Girls and BSB rumors within the past year. I’m not really here to talk about those cause right now while things look optimistic, it won’t be till after the Spice Girls’ 20th Anniversary tour, and the Boys’ next album cycle. Not that I wouldn’t be BEYOND thrilled if it did happen. I’m a freaking child of the 90s! Of course I grew up on Spice Girls! They were the first CD I ever bought on my own (sorry Boys). I remember daydreaming about what Spice Girl I was, just like almost every other girl in 1996. These days my mind is a little quirkier.

So I started daydreaming about what Spice Girl names our Boys would have.

I give you…The Spice Boys!

1. Brian aka…Holy Spice

This isn’t just because Brian is by far the most spiritual in the band. Though that was part of it. Maybe this is just me, but with Brian I find myself saying holy shit…a LOT. As in: “Holy shit! – Brian’s going to kill himself jumping off the stage!” Or “Holy crap, did you see Brian just do that flip?!” and my personal favorite…“Holy balls! Did you hear Brian just kill those vocals on Shattered?” Wait! Let’s not forget…“Holy shit Brian doesn’t age.”

So there really wasn’t an option for Brian. Maybe we can start saying “HOLY SPICE!” instead of “Holy shit!” every time he does something crazy? I should probably trademark this.

2. Nick…aka Danger Spice

You guys can blame their appearance on Undateable for this one. If you haven’t seen it, check it out on our Youtube Channel. Basically Nick’s called the dangerous one in the Backstreet Boys. While this is definitely a reference to recent events, that’s not why we’re going with Danger Spice here. Oh no. Have you guys ever been around Nick in person? You lose practically your freaking MIND. You get near him and all those coherent thoughts turn to goo. Look at him! His looks are dangerous. He knows he can charm you. He LOVES that he can charm you. Basically watch any of his dances from DWTS to see that in action.

To paraphrase Michael Jackson…He’s so dangerous, the Boy is so dangerous. Take away my money, throw away my time. I mean, really…Nick in a nutshell.

3. Howie…aka Spicy Spice

Howie is underrated. I really should do a whole post about this. Cause it’s true. Note to self. Okay, moving on. Howie isn’t spicy just because of the whole Latino thing. (Though fun fact, Nick licked him once and claimed he tastes like hot sauce!) Howie likes to party and man can he! He spices up the party like no other. Don’t believe me? Look up the cruise deck party videos on YouTube. Or ask anyone like myself who’s been on a BSB cruise. He’s always the first one out and the LAST one to leave. And have you seen him wiggle his hips to Sexy and I Know It? If anyone is bringing some serious spice to the group, it’s him.

4. AJ…aka Scary Spice

So I wanted to carry one “real” spice girl label over into this, as a homage to my favorite Girl Band of course. And besides the obvious “Baby Spice” label I could’ve used for Nick (and refused to cause it’s too easy), I knew it had to be Scary Spice for AJ. Now while the fans know AJ as the lovable softie who’s been raising an adorable baby girl, we should be honest with ourselves. AJ can be scary at times. Usually in fashion. He’s the first to go wild while not giving a damn about what anyone thinks of it. We’ve seen him in drag (more than once), sporting the Duck Dynasty beard we thought would consume us all, and he’s sported more hair colors that we can count – including one self described as “cat butt hair”. AJ is the one we never know what’s coming next from him.

But we all kind of love him that way.

5. Kevin…aka Nature Spice

If there was ever a Backstreet Boy who could someday become Captain Planet, it’s Kevin. He’s the greenest of the Boys and the most political. If you follow his tweets you’ll often see him tweet about things related to the planet and making it better. He used to have a charity dedicated to doing so (and even got Nick to do one in relation to it once upon a time). And while it doesn’t exist now, it doesn’t mean Kevin is any less passionate. He loves nature. When all the Boys got to spend some time with lions, jaguars and leopards (oh my), he’s the one smiling and letting cubs climb ALL over him. It’s precious and adorable. As is Kevin. He’ll be the Backstreet Boy to save the world, so there’s nothing more fitting than Nature Spice.

Hey Boys? If you ever read this…none of us would be mad if you ever did a cover of Spice Up Your Life. We’re just saying!

Are you guys excited about the idea of a someday Spice Girls joint tour even if that day is far off? Do you have your own ideas of what Spice Girls the Boys would be? Feel free to comment and tell us what you think?