In a previous post I shared my story of how the Backstreet Boys affected my life. I asked for you to join me by sending me yours, and that I would share your stories. Last time, I shared Stephanie’s story. This one below, is Tracy’s.
The Boys mean a lot to me because they gave me a reason to live when I thought I didn’t have any.
Nine years ago I hit rock bottom. I had depression as a result of stress and lack of self care. I didn’t treat myself.. I worked and worked to distract myself from my problems. So nine years ago this year on Thanksgiving, I wanted to free myself of my burdens, to free everyone of being annoyed and disappointed in me. I wanted peace. I wanted to not feel worthless any more.
So on that morning I put some music on and I cried. I cried until my eyes were dry, until I had no tears left. I had never self harmed one day in my life but on that day I decided that if I were to do so, it would not just be a scar and I would just end everything. I felt I had nothing to live for….
The music played and for some reason I stopped to listen.. It was “I Got You” by Nick Carter. I stopped and wiped my eyes and thought about how he was once depressed, and turned it around. I stopped and thought of a lot of things. Things I wanted to do with my life and how I just wanted to be happy. I put the razor blade down and after that I tried to fight my depression. My first goal was to meet BSB because I hadn’t. Two years after I decided not to end it all, my goal came true. I was happy but it was not enough to feel fulfilled.
Its taken me years to heal. I think I’m the most content I have ever been but at the same time I’ve been through a lot of shit. More than most people. But the fact that I told death no, to me that is the bravest thing that I’ve ever done in my life. This band might be silly to you, but to me they’re a reason to keep going. I’ve had a lot of wonderful experiences, with travel and the friends I’ve made and it all started with BSB. If it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t be here right now.
Seeing Nick and what he’s been through, how he changed his life around inspired me and showed me that I too could be happy if I believed it. That my dream to see the world was possible. The boys continue to inspire me every single day and for that I truly am grateful.
~ Tracy @FrickingKaos
If you would like me to share your story of how BSB changed or affected your life, email me at bsbdarkside@gmail.com. I would be happy to post it here on the TDS blog! Just send it my way.
The Dark Side 