I’ll Be The One, I’ll Be The Light

That is me – well, me at sixteen back in 2002.

Sometimes I forget how much I’ve changed. Other times (like now) I remember.

So…I’m going to share a story. It’s a story I don’t think I ever planned to share online, but the fandom needs to be reminded of the light and love. I’m hoping I’m simply the first to share such a warm story and that we can unite together in a giant love purge to encompass the entire fandom. I want us to be the light in a darker time in the BSB fandom. I refuse to go gently – so to speak.

When I was a kid, I was bullied terribly. I never fit in really. I was an awkward kid and horribly shy. I couldn’t talk to people without having a lot of issues. I spent years in speech therapy. Then on top of that I have a condition called “hyperhydrosis” (my hands sweat more than a normal person’s – feel free to google it. 🙂 ), which other kids noticed quickly. It made me different and as a result I was teased. I kept to myself. Because of this, I had a very lonely childhood. I retreated into books and to this day it’s why writing is so therapeutic for me whether it’s fiction or simply blogging like this. My other escape was music. I could never sing well, but music has always been and will forever be my safest place to hide.

Music was a safe haven to me. And while yes, I didn’t know BSB besides what I knew from seeing them on TV – their music made me happy. Online I did make friends through fanfic sites, fan sites. I connected to them because we all had this shared love for a group that made us happy. That sort of acceptance finally, for the first time, made me comfortable to be myself. Because of that, once I hit high school – it was the first time I was able to fit in, make friends.

When BSB weren’t popular anymore? When everyone made fun of them? I refused to follow the crowd and ditch what had been my constant at that point. In that, it helped me learn to FINALLY stop caring what people thought of me so much. It helped me learn to be me and to be cool with it even if everyone else wasn’t. I know I’m quirky and kind of weird, and I love that side of myself. I embrace it all now and it’s a lesson I learned because of the Backstreet Boys.

To be punny – I’m a rose that can grow anywhere.

BSB have helped me through many ups and downs of my life. For many years they did that without having any idea their music did that for me. Over time I’ve been able to tell them these things – like how their music helped me cope with my mother’s sudden passing. Or how AJ helped me in many ways understand my brother, who’s also an addict.

Their kindness and appreciation for the fans knows no limits. Nick, AJ, Brian, Howie, and Kevin – yes they’re just five men. But they’re five men who’ve changed a lot of lives by doing something so simple. Making music together. Thank you Boys, for staying together all these years. Everything you’ve done is why we’re still here – and I’m standing by you.

And you can call me crazy. You can put me down for posting all this. Call me delusional or some psycho stan. But I don’t care. I’ve met some of the best friends in my life because of this group. I’ve had some amazing trips and memories because these five men. Their music and experiences helped me cope with my own. At times their music was there for me when nothing else was. If that sounds dramatic – so be it. I’m telling you my truth, and my story. Judge me as you will.

I say let’s come together, and unite as one.

Focus not on the darkness, but rather the light and the love.

We will ride out any storm that way.


If you want to join me in sharing how the Backstreet Boys have changed your lives, hit me up. I’ll share your stories too. Simply comment below. Email me at bsbdarkside@gmail.com. DM/Tweet Me at twitter.com/thedarksidebsb

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